A Year of Strength and Breath

 In Meditation, Why Are We Here?

It has been a year.  A long year, a happy year, a sad year, a year worth reflecting on, a year worth living; still, I miss her.  Her smile, how she held my hand when I was near, her voice, they remain in my memories, yet noticeably present.  It has been a year since the passing of my Nana.

I want this to be a story of strength; it may be or it may not.  When you lose someone close to you, there is an apparent void.  One you find a way to fill or gloss over.  Losing my Nana meant I had to open up a little more to those around me and let down my guard with even those who may not know me well.  This has always been a weakness of mine, even amongst friends.  Friends are some of the first you should call on when times are challenging. A fact I grapple with daily.  However, with the passing of my grandmother I found a way to discuss aspects of my feelings with close friends and I even found a way to address it with my classes.  So maybe it is a story of growth and strength for me after all.

I want this to be a story of breath; it may be or it may not.  When she passed I found myself focusing on my breath.  It was my coping mechanism.  I didn’t always have words but I did have my breath.  Concentrating on it helped to calm me and truly centered me.  I had always talked a lot about breath in my classes but a deeper connection was somehow made for me after the passing of my Nana.  I would get lost in my thoughts of her, be brought to tears and when I stepped outside of myself I could hear my breath; its sound and its steadiness.  So maybe it is a story of stillness and breath for me after all.

For all my wants, I have realized despite what this story is for me and what it represents for otherAffirmation Today I Will Have Strength and Breaths, she is here with me.  My Nana is truly woven into my world.  I feel and see her influence in so much of what I do.  So it may have been a year without her physically but I am encouraged by the fact that her ever important presence remains a constant in my world, reminding me to forever find strength in my breath.

~The divine in me salutes the divine in you, Namaste~

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