A Year of Strength and Breath
It has been a year. A long year, a happy year, a sad year, a year worth reflecting on, a year worth living; still, I miss her. Her smile, how she held my hand when I was near, her voice, they remain in my memories, yet noticeably present. It has been a year since the passing of my Nana.
I want this to be a story of strength; it may be or it may not. When you lose someone close to you, there is an apparent void. One you find a way to fill or gloss over. Losing my Nana meant I had to open up a little more to those around me and let down my guard with even those who may not know me well. This has always been a weakness of mine, even amongst friends. Friends are some of the first you should call on when times are challenging. A fact I grapple with daily. However, with the passing of my grandmother I found a way to discuss aspects of my feelings with close friends and I even found a way to address it with my classes. So maybe it is a story of growth and strength for me after all.
I want this to be a story of breath; it may be or it may not. When she passed I found myself focusing on my breath. It was my coping mechanism. I didn’t always have words but I did have my breath. Concentrating on it helped to calm me and truly centered me. I had always talked a lot about breath in my classes but a deeper connection was somehow made for me after the passing of my Nana. I would get lost in my thoughts of her, be brought to tears and when I stepped outside of myself I could hear my breath; its sound and its steadiness. So maybe it is a story of stillness and breath for me after all.
For all my wants, I have realized despite what this story is for me and what it represents for other
s, she is here with me. My Nana is truly woven into my world. I feel and see her influence in so much of what I do. So it may have been a year without her physically but I am encouraged by the fact that her ever important presence remains a constant in my world, reminding me to forever find strength in my breath.
~The divine in me salutes the divine in you, Namaste~
